rewind

"Men have called me mad, but the question is not yet settled, whether madness is or is not the loftiest intelligence--whether much that is glorious--whether all that is profound--does not spring from disease of thought--from moods of mind exalted at the expense of the general intellect. Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things which escape those who dream only by night." Edgar Allen Poe

Driving back from my niece's 1st birthday party tonight I spent most of my time looking out the window... noticing the way the snow lay on the cliffs on the West Side Highway and across on the cliffs on the side of New Jersey... Driving all the way down to Tribeca from Inwood, hardly making a sound. I couldn't help but think of my days up in Westchester. Sarah Lawrence. Work. That time in my high school years. The sights were just so similar.

While I look back and see that I felt so unsafe in so many ways, there is some sort of comfort that comes with these many memories. I remember listening to a lot of Coldplay and driving... and driving... and thinking and thinking... and just being so confused about so many things in my life, worried about close members of my family, and fighting for my own life on a daily basis.  Sometimes I just want to give my life thus far a big shake and wonder where in time I'll end up. Youth and innocence are so profound. I've noticed a loss of it more and more as the days go on...