20 September 2007

losing things

Last night I had a dream that a tiny ant was my friend. I kept it in a plastic baggie and traveled around with it everywhere. When I put it down on a table, left it, and came back to it, I noticed that other ants were trying to attack it. To prevent him from being eaten by other ants, I recall frantically dumping the baggie out onto a brick patio (which I understand now to be my house on Long Island). Frightened by my presence, it was hard to keep track which ant was my ant, as they scurried away between the cracks of the bricks. My ant friend never came back.

According to several dream dictionaries, dreaming of ants can mean one of two things: 1) A dissatisfaction with life in general 2)A satisfaction with life, particularly in terms of business. While both of these things do make sense in my own life (and at the same time no less), I do have to keep in mind that there was only one ant in my dream last night, and the situation and feelings surrounding the event of my dream seemed oddly familiar.

I hate losing things. I absolutely despise it. Even if I can replace the item in a second. Losing anything leaves me with this crazy feeling of personal loss.

I lost one of my favorite vintage bracelets the other day. All day, it was on my wrist. I had thought I fixed it earlier that morning. At the Coterie- moving things around, selling other pieces of jewelry- it still remained on my wrist. In the supermarket- on my wrist. However, somewhere between the point where I swiped my subway card and got onto the 2, it fell off.

While I believe feeling so disappointed and upset may seem a little childish, I can't help but realize just how fearful I am about losing not just objects, but people as well. Not to mention- if you don't keep communicating with others in this city, you really have the chance to lose it all.

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